


Talk Me Down

by africancat



Category: On My Block (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heavy Angst, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sassy Jasbys, The Great Jasby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 07:47:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18796042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/africancat/pseuds/africancat
Summary: Ruby knew it was stupid to think everything was fine after a few months. He thought he reached that point where it didn't hurt anymore, but since he's shaking in his bed covered in sweat, he guesses he was wrong.





	Talk Me Down

Ruby knew it was stupid to think everything was fine after a few months. He knew it was naive, but he didn't care. He let himself believe he was over it. He let himself believe three months was enough time to get over that night.

That's all he wanted. It was just a night after all. Truthfully it all must have happened in less than five minutes. So is he really crazy to think three months would be enough time to move past a single moment no longer than five minutes? He didn't.

Of course that's him ignoring the moments that really mattered. Like how long it took Olivia to die. How long she fought and how soon she lost. When every breath rattled in his chest as he fought right alongside her. Just as he's fighting now.

Shaking in his bed covered in sweat, Ruby lays a trembling hand on his chest, feels his heart beating hard against his palm. He squeezes his eyes shut, but no matter how hard he kneads his chest, or focuses on his breathing nothing helps. He's still fighting for every breath, sobbing so hard it seems like it will never end.

Images of Olivia's lifeless eyes staring back at him flash before him, and tragically, she was still as gorgeous in death as when Ruby had first seen her. And how could that be? How could she be beautiful after a happening so ugly? Where is the sense there? To remind him he let that beauty die? That he gave up and death just-

Ruby's hand shoots out to blindly feel for his phone, hyperventilating, as he finds the number he added to his speed dial two months ago, and hits the call button. He presses the phone to his ear, and prays she picks up. He didn't even look at what time it is, he just hopes she's awake. He needs her, he needs someone.

"Ruby? What are you-"

He sobs before he can say anything, "Ruby?!" She says, and he hears a rustling as if she's sitting up.

"Baby, it's okay, breathe with me. You remember how we do it?"

Ruby chokes down a sob, and whimpers, "Y-yes, in through your nose, out th-through your mouth."

"Just like that, baby, odds on inhales, evens on out, you got this." Ruby hears Jasmine take a deep breath, and the one he takes with her is stuttering and shaky, but it's a breath. He braces himself with his hands on his knees, and breathes with Jasmine, listening to her count each one.

After a few minutes he can breathe again, and the pinch in his heart finally eases away even though his hands still tremble. His head is pounding from crying so hard.

"How are you feeling? You sound better." Jasmine says, hopeful.

Ruby swallows hard, "Yeah. I am. A little."

"Good. You know you don't have to tell me what it was, do whatever will make you go back to sleep, okay, Ruby?"

He nods slowly to himself, "Y-yeah, I know. But," He licks his lips and steels himself, "I want to tell you. It— she was— her eyes were," Ruby sobs, but plows on, "Empty. They were gone, Jasmine, but they just stared at me. Then she— but they-" Ruby catches himself and goes on, "They o-opened, and she was _glaring_ at me like she knew I was alive and she was dead. She— she-"

"Baby, slow down. Take your time."

He takes a deep breath and forces himself to say the rest, "She made me watch— watch her m-make herself ready for d-death like some mortician. It was awful. I couldn't l-look away. She made me watch like it was my fault. Like she knew I didn't-" Ruby swallows hard, "Like it wasn't fair. And it isn't, she should be here, not-"

"Ruby, that was a horrible dream, but don't finish that sentence. It's a lie, and you know it. It's not fair, but not because you made it, and she didn't. Nothing in this world is fair. What happened that night wasn't fair to anyone, but saying you shouldn't be here? That's unfair to you, Ruby. It's unfair to me, and everyone in your life who loves you, okay?"

Ruby sobs again, and curls in on himself, hanging his head. She's right. Leaving his mom alone, his family, the crew, how would that have made anything better? It's like saying he doesn't care about them, but he does. Of course he does.

And Jasmine cares about him. She's just said it. But she didn't say just care, she said love. Not directly, exactly, but she said it. Ruby takes another shaky breath, and figures he's as vulnerable as he'll ever be. He'll never be in a better place to address it, he's pretty sure he'll never have another chance to.

"Jasmine."

"Yeah?"

"You said… You loved me."

"Ruby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

He nods to himself, unaware of the small smile that's come over him, "I know what you meant. As a friend, right? I love you too."

Jasmine sighs his name, "Ruby."

"I do. No one's… No one's been able to help me with this. And even if they did, they couldn't do it the way you have. I never thought you'd be the person I'd lean on the most after all of this. But you are."

"Ruby, you don't-"

He cuts her off again, because he should say it, he has to. And she deserves to hear it.

"And I know it's not always obvious how _grateful_ I am, and I'm sorry for that. You still... Annoy me sometimes."

Jasmine laughs, "Because I'm a lot, right?! I get that."

Ruby laughs with her, "You are, but I am too. I promise I'll try harder, Jasmine."

"At what? Dealing with me?"

He laughs again, "Yes. I'll try harder to deal with you, because it's not fair for me to call you in the middle of the night, and be annoyed with you the next day."

Ruby feels the ache in his free hand and looks down to see he's been opening and closing his fist by his side. He wipes the sweat of his palm off on his sweatpants, and bites his lip, waiting.

But Jasmine's silent on the line, he can only hear her breathing, and the word "love" won't leave his mind. Four letters thrown together just to torture you. Your heart beats faster in fear of it being spoken. Fear when you realize you've fallen in its trap and now it won't let you go.

Love is what's gotten him here. Loving Olivia as much as he did. He's questioned if grief hit him harder than the crew because he was the one who got shot, or whether he just cared for her more than they ever did. He doesn't like asking that question. Because he's not sure of the answer. He's just sure he loved her, or was beginning to. It was the closest to love he's ever been, so what else can he call it?

But the love he had for Olivia, and the love he's only just acknowledged tonight are different. Ruby's refused to admit it to himself. He liked Olivia before he knew her, he liked the way she looked. He thought she was gorgeous. And she was. And no matter how hard he tries he can't stop the question from coming back.

Her eyes were asking if he ever loved her at all. It's a senseless, heartless question, and the answer seems obvious. He wouldn't be grieving months later if he didn't love her, would he? Unless he's grieving for himself.

It's all so much, Ruby notices the pain that's seized his heart only when Jasmine's panic reaches his ears.

"Ruby?! Ruby, what's wrong, what is it?!"

He shakes his head but forces himself to speak, "But what if I didn't loved her, Jasmine? I thought I knew, but maybe I don't. And she's not here to tell me! What if I didn't? What if I'm like this because I got shot, of what happened to _me,_ not her?!"

"Baby, no. No, don't do this to yourself. You _cared_ about Olivia, you all did, she was your friend!"

Ruby squeezes his eyes shut, biting his lip so he won't wake up his whole family, and tugging at his hair so hard it hurts.

"Don't torture yourself asking just how much you cared, the point is you _did._ The fact you're crying over the possibility you _didn't_ care enough _shows_ you you did! And as for the other thing?"

She takes a breath, "What's wrong with grieving for yourself, Ruby? You got shot too. And it's not your fault you survived, alright? Surviving isn't a mistake, or something to repent. So stop _treating_ your life like it is! _Allow_ yourself to be happy, Ruby. You deserve to just. Be. Happy."

He nods numbly, and it feels like he has to force himself just to breathe. He brings his hand up again to fist his t-shirt, to feel the rapid drum that's come over his heart.

"Baby, are you okay?"

Ruby hangs his head, and tries to convince himself just hearing her voice, hearing her call him "baby" didn't bring the beat of his heart to a crawl. He wipes the sweat from his forehead, and nods, forgetting Jasmine's on the phone and not there with him. It shouldn't be possible for her to soothe him without being there in person. Either way it feels like she's there, and with her comes solacement, just as desirous as an oasis in a dessert.

"Ruby."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, I'm okay. And Jasmine. You're right," He laughs to himself, "You're always right," He wipes his nose on his sleeve, and goes on, "I can't believe I flipped out on you again. Honestly, it's embarrassing at this point. I didn't know I could cry this much, especially not back to back. Actually, I'm gonna stop right there, feels like I'm heading into toxic masculinity territory. It's scary. But this is the farthest from toxic masculinity, right? I'm a guy, crying, you're a girl, comforting me. That's equality right there. How it should've been all along. One of the biggest downfalls of society, and-"

"Okay, I need you to know I have no idea what you just said."

"I said I'm sorry. Because you should be sleeping right now, not listening to me cry hysterically and break the boundaries of toxic masculinity."

"Don't tell me what I should be doing, Ruby. I love you, remember? So don't even _think_ about not calling me in the middle of the night when this happens."

Ruby swallows hard at that word again. And how it's different than the love he had for Olivia. He didn't love Jasmine immediately, he loves her now, and he doesn't have to wait for her to accept it.

"Okay. I'll call," He says.

"Are you lying? Don't think you can just lie to me like I'm not gonna know. Nobody plays me, boo."

He laughs softly, "I'm not lying, I'll call."

"Good. And believe me, Ruby, it will get better."

And he does. He does believe her. He will get through this. Jasmine's proof after all. Her dad might be alive, but he's not really there. If she can go on day-to-day dealing with that, then he can live with what happened that night.

This has been the conversation Ruby never expected, and never knew he needed as much as he did. And even though he's calmer than when he first called, his head's nowhere near clear enough to sleep, not without nightmares awaiting.

"Right. But...Jasmine? I don't think I can go to sleep again."

"Okay, so make it easier on yourself. Change your sheets."

"What?"

"They're soaked with sweat, right, you're telling me you're gonna sleep on some sweaty sheets?"

Ruby laughs again, honestly, which feels so strange and wrong after everything that's just happened, but he doesn't condemn himself for it. He just stands up, and sets his phone on the nightstand after putting it on speaker.

He starts taking the sheets off when Jasmine asks, "Are you doing it?"

"Yes," He groans.

She hums skeptically, "I'm talking the comforter too, don't try to cheat me."

"How did you-" Ruby shakes his head, but bundles everything together, leaving his mattress bare. He swipes the phone from his nightstand and creeps into the hall.

"Okay, I know you _said_ I shouldn't apologize for calling you, but I'm going to find a loophole, and say I'm sorry you're not sleeping right now."

Jasmine laughs, "Boy, how is that a loophole?"

"I didn't say _I_ was the reason you aren't sleeping. So I'm not apologizing for _calling_ you, I'm apologizing for the inexplicable reason you're awake at," Ruby checks his phone, "Three in the morning."

"I was already awake."

He raises his eyebrows, "So what were you doing then? Before I called."

"Nothing," She scoffs, "I don't have to tell you." Jasmine teases.

Ruby smirks as he shoves everything into the washing machine, "Sure you don't, but it'd be more fun if you did."

"Oh, really?"

And the smile in her voice is just as contagious as it would be in person, "Yeah, like if you were taking a shower before I called."

"Ruby. It's three in the morning."

He shrugs, "Some people are night owls, like yourself, I don't judge. And since you _are_ a night owl _,_ were you getting dressed for bed before I called? I like to think I have a pretty good imagination, but unfortunately for both of us I have no idea what you're wearing right now."

Ruby's pretty shocked to hear what's coming out of his mouth, but that doesn't stop him from saying it. It's unfathomable that he's woken up from a PTSD fueled nightmare not more than twenty minutes ago, and is now thoughtlessly flirting with the girl who talked him through it. However, Jasmine's not just some girl. Not every girl could calm him down enough, and snap him back into place, back to himself.

Maybe it also has to do with the fact it's three in the morning, and he can fool himself into believing it's just him and Jasmine, that no one but them will know about this when the next day comes. And none of it will matter. Or maybe they'll both forget it? Who knows, whatever the reason, Ruby knows he has balls of steel right now, and it would be a waste not to take advantage of that, wouldn't it?

 _"Ruby,"_ Jasmine purs, and he laughs a little too loud for three in the morning, "You have to take me out before we can even think about having phone sex."

"So what I'm gathering is what I just said was foreplay."

"Yep."

"For phone sex. Well, when I take you out-"

 _"When?"_ Jasmine catches, and Ruby can hear the shaking of her inhaler. He smiles, but reprimands himself— asthma shouldn't be cute, it is a serious medical condition, it's the furthest thing from cute.

"Yes, when. To thank you for tonight. Is that okay?"

"Mmhm."

"Great, just so we're clear, _when_ I take you out, phone sex will be on the menu?"

"Ooh," She coos, "Nice word play."

Ruby's heart picks up, because that is the sexiest thing she could've said just then.

He clears his throat, "Thank you, thank you. Contrary to popular belief, I do in fact try."

Jasmine laughs, "Don't worry, it sounds effortless."

"I don't know about you, but this sounds like some serious phone sex foreplay to me." Ruby says, only half joking, because there's nothing sexier than a girl who can appreciate his best asset.

Jasmine giggles, "You'll just have to wait until you take me out."

He smiles, and bundling new sheets in his arms, he walks back to his room, and says, "I don't think I can."

Ruby sits his phone down on the nightstand as he starts changing his bed again.

Ignoring what he just said, Jasmine asks, "Are you sleepy now, little boy?"

Ruby grimaces in disgust, "I would prefer if you never referred to me as 'little boy' again. I'm 4'11" and the words, small, little, tiny, shortcake, and-"

Jasmine cackles, and instead of being mad, he smiles because it doesn't sound like she's laughing _at_ him.

"Shortcake, Ruby? Shortcake is delicious, okay? Hell, ya girl would _love_ to be called any delicious food. Pound cake, cause I'm thick and I love it, cheesecake, churro-"

"Isn't that racist?"

"What?"

"Someone calling you a churro."

"Only if a white person says it," Jasmine answers, her tone saying it as if it's obvious, she's just missing the "duh."

Ruby snorts, "Are you serious?"

"You know, I was at first, but my mami would slap the shit out of me if she heard anyone calling me churro."

They laugh together as Ruby finally finishes making his bed again, taking his phone off the nightstand and laying down.

He does so with a sigh, and Jasmine says, "You know, you never answered my question."

Is he sleepy yet. Ruby opens his mouth to answer, but stops at the realization he doesn't want to hang up the phone. Like so many things in his life right now he doesn't have a reason as to why, or more likely he has too many, and doesn't know which one is true.

Because he thinks her voice is the only thing keeping his mind from rehashing that night. Because once again he's seeing a side of Jasmine he's never known before, and is curious to further discover. Because it feels as if he's in a place they've both manifested where it's okay to feel the pain of that night without becoming lost in it. Or the most simplistic reason— Ruby loves talking to her.

So he takes a breath and says at last, "No. I'm not sleepy. Are you?"

"Nope." She replies, popping the "p."

The relief that he feels is shameful, but who cares. It's three in the morning, probably four by now, and Ruby's the only one awake in his house. Jasmine's the only one awake in hers, and the idea of them staying up together seems incredibly intimate, even more so than if Jasmine was really here, laying beside him. They're linked only by their voices, not by sight, or smell, or touch, just sound, and that's more than enough.

Ruby pulls the duvet to his chin, and rolls onto his side, holding the phone to his ear. He's never seen Jasmine's room, but he wonders what she looks like right now.

"Ruby."

"Yeah."

"What about a therapist? Anyone talk to you about that?"

Ruby shakes his head, "Strangely, no. No one has. I think it's because they're scared that I'll blow up and refuse to see a shrink. Which is ridiculous, because therapy is a very respectable profession, and being shot isn't a requirement to see one. Honestly it's unhealthy for anyone to go without a therapist. That being sa-"

Jasmine clears her throat, and Ruby's mouth snaps shut. "So, that's a no, then? You should talk to Geny about that. There's no way she'd say no."

"I know that. But Jasmine? Really, I'm not lying when I say you're the only one I talk to about— this. No one else tries. I'm not sure they even care."

"That's not true, Ruby, they probably just don't know how. They're scared of doing it wrong. But if you ask for a therapist it'll show them you're open to help."

He takes a breath. It should be annoying how incredibly level headed she is. Ruby always thought he was cursed with brilliance, and he still does, but his brilliance is all booksmarts. Jasmine's brilliance is all emotional. It's envious how attuned she is to herself. She seems so sure of herself, like she has an answer to everything

"Jasmine, why don't you act like this all the time?"

She laughs, "Like what?"

"You're always," He shrugs, and tries to phrase his next words so they're not offensive, "Outspoken, and— raunchy."

"What's wrong with that?"

"N-nothing! I'm just— it's confusing, you know? And I— I wanna know."

She sighs, and Ruby wonders if he should've stopped while he was ahead.

"Everyone's confusing. I can be loud, and sexy, and overconfident all I want, that's who I _am._ It's not an act, Ruby," She laughs, "I really am that extra, and be doing the most 24/7, and I know it too! Like I said, I like me! I don't care if no one else does! If they want to see me as one dimensional, hey, I'mma let them."

Ruby nods, but doesn't really know what to say to that. While he's trying to think of a reply he lets out a long yawn. He feels his eyelids get heavy, and blinks hard just to stay awake a little longer.

"Okay. _Now_ I'm getting sleepy." He says. But he still doesn't want to hang up. And he refuses to ask Jasmine to stay on the phone until they fall asleep. That's ridiculous. And beneath him. Too cliche to even consider really. Now after say, their third date, no fifth— he doesn't want to rush things— perhaps their relationship would have _progressed_ enough to warrant falling asleep together over the phone.

"Ruby?"

He stifles another yawn, "Yeah?"

"I'm getting tired too, and it's late. I'mma go to sleep, okay? Good-"

"Wait! Tomorrow's Saturday."

"What? You just now realized that?"

"No. I mean, technically yes, but also technically no, because today is Saturday so really I couldn't have remembered Saturday was tomorrow since tomorrow wasn't Sat-"

 _"It is too late for this. And a girl needs her beauty rest."_ Jasmine stresses.

"Right. Um, what I was going to say was we should, I don't know— get together tomorrow."

Jasmine laughs, "You mean today?"

Ruby smiles, "Yeah. Today."

"And do what?"

Ruby scratches his head, damn, he doesn't know. What happened to not rushing things? Now he looks clingy, and he's already given Jasmine the upperhand in this relationship which is ridiculous because she liked him first, so the ball should be in his court, but no, he had to sabotage himself by looking desperate and asking to see her later on today, damni-

"You're taking too long. I'mma just come over to your house sometime, alright?"

Ruby smiles and laughs awkwardly, "Yeah, that's perfect, that's exactly what I was gonna suggest. Of course, so you're coming over— whenever? Do you wanna specify a time so I know when to expect you, I mean you don't-"

Ruby hears Jasmine sigh before she hangs up on him.

He sucks his teeth. Okay, she hung up. That's understandable. Ruby puts his phone on the nightstand like it's no big deal before laying back down. He stares up at the ceiling. But it still hurts. And just rude. He was in the middle of a sentence, and she couldn't even say goodnight? It's one word, two syllables, one if she just said "night." He would've taken a "night." He _deserves_ a "night." He turns over and closes his eyes.

Ruby sits up and snatches his phone, clicking his tongue and saying to himself, "You know what, Jasmine? You did this to yourself, because that just cost you the second spot on my speed dial."

**Author's Note:**

> First angsty fic for this couple, but I kind of love having the chance to explore Ruby's PTSD in the aftermath of Olivia's death, so this won't be the last. They'll probably get worse actually lol, but I'll always try to add a little humor at the end.
> 
> Kudos and comments are my bread and water, they inspire me. Plus I love hearing from you guys, and knowing there's other people who love them just as much as I do.
> 
> Catch you next time, sassy jasbys


End file.
